On the occasion that you have no car and nothing better to do, I highly recommend taking any interested member of the opposite sex to Rajinder Luthra’s fine establishment.
We begin with the finest wine selection: Sweet Red Blend, a vintage from Gallo Family Vineyards, is an excellent complement to the $3.49 microwaved burritos. The still-frozen beans will blend nicely with the nutty vinegar and sour grape notes.
Raj also stocks Winking Owl, a college student favorite, that he probably bought at ALDI for $2.95 and now sells for whatever price he makes up on the spot. Usually, it’s $4.39 plus tax. Raj will likely endorse whatever alcohol he is now carrying, currently Sour Monkey beers, but know that Twea is better and will probably go down easier.
If you really want to impress your date, create a charcuterie board with whatever you can find around those illustrious aisles. Cheez-whiz, Ritz and Reese’s Pieces are all fine options. If you’re an old soul, grab some Fig Newtons and Ginger-Ale.
Set your place with fine tableware of off-brand red solo cups and paper towels will set off the table settings next to the ATM. The ambient light of fluorescent flicker can be off-set with candles (bring your own–I don’t think Raj has any, but he might). Bring your own flowers and tablecloth, blue bonnets are in season and a bath towel will work nicely.
When asked for entree recommendations, Raj wisely recommends that you skip the food and go straight to ice cream.
“Are you crazy? Don’t eat a burrito on the first date. Get ice cream or candy,” said Raj. He gave me a funny look for even suggesting ramen and mac and cheese.
But beware, reader: Blue Bunny ice cream is bad. Please do better Raj. Instead, opt for a DrumStick or popsicle.
When asked for further date advice, Raj said, “Are you 21? Buy the champagne.”
For background music, skip the Sinatra and go straight to Sabaton. Swedish heavy metal will make anyone swoon. “The Last Stand” is the perfect song for any occasion, but especially for a date.
An extra bonus of a date at PDK is that no one will even have the chance to gossip about your blossoming romance! The entire school will likely pass through for snacks, so you’ll be old news by dawn. Huzzah!
In the event that things get too spicy on your date at PDK, you can always take it upstairs for some privacy–even though no one knows what is actually up there. (Seriously, what the hell is up there? What are you hiding, Raj?)