Goodbye, rugby! Hello, football!

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Fortunately, the men’s and women’s tennis teams are not in danger of termination. Photo by Makenna Connors.

It does not matter that the University of Dallas Rugby Football Club (UDRFC) may have scored fourth at state, are playing in National Division 2 championships, and are promoted to Division 1. Football, real American football, is finally making its way to the University of Dallas. 

In all of the years UD has existed, there has been no football team. Every year, Dr. Roper has petitioned for a football team and has been ignored. But thanks to the new University President, Dr. Sanford, UD finally is getting one.

“It’s about time!” Dr. Roper said. “I’ve wanted a football team since I went to UD in the ‘80s!”


“Dr. Roper sent me many emails (longer than his weekly ones) asking for a football team,” Dr. Sanford explained “He said that the one thing UD students value more than their education is football. I can’t help but agree. Football is the foundation upon which western civilization is built.”

However, there is a cost to creating a football team: the termination of the UDRFC.

“We only have so much money in our budget,” Dr. Sanford explained. “After doing some thinking, this administration has decided it is best to eliminate one of our most successful, popular sports teams altogether.” 

Naturally, members of the Rugby Club are outraged. After an insider investigation, I have uncovered some of the team member’s thoughts. The following people’s names are changed due to privacy. 

“This is the loss of paradise as we know it,” responded John Milton. “I’m sure that more people watch rugby than football.”

“UD has made a grave mistake that could cost its students their salvation,” echoed Dante Alighieri. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Dr. Roper and Dr. Sanford winds up in the Circle of Fraud right next to Ulysses and Diomedes.”

The Rugby Club does not plan on going down without a fight. 

“I am going to Dr. Roper’s office and will continuously beg him to undo this travesty until he agrees,” Geoffrey Chaucer said. “And if he somehow doesn’t, I’ll say lines from The Canterbury Tales over and over again until he gets bored. And as for Dr. Sanford, Dante [Alighieri], John [Milton], and I will march around the mall, so he knows that rugby matters.”

Tensions are high as a war is brewing between the UDRFC and the administration. The administration has the money of the Cor Challenge going their way, but rugby has the fighting spirit that earned them a spot in Division 1. Who will win in the end has yet to be determined. 

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