I feel like everyone is really nice here, but I don’t know how to form deeper friendships. How do you go from being surface friends to actually being friends?
Not Alone, But Kind of Lonely
Dear Kind of Lonely,
While it’s not easy, developing deeper friendships requires a certain amount of vulnerability.
If you want to move past “Nice weather we’re having” and “How’s your essay going?” you’ll have to be willing to share more of yourself and what makes you, well, you. If you open up to others, they’ll be more likely to open up to you.
And you don’t have to start big either! I honestly wouldn’t suggest jumping from simple pleasantries to unlocking your tragic backstory. You should build up some trust before doing that.
Start small. Share your favorite movie or show with people and explain why it’s your favorite. Tell people about that hobby you have that they don’t know about yet. Bond over that musician or author or sports team that you just really love.
It can be hard to find opportunities to share like that, so sometimes you have to organize it. Invite people to hang out. Organize a movie night or bring people to a club event.
With Thanksgiving and Christmas approaching, you could try having a Friendsgiving or Secret Santa. I used to bond with people by piling in my dorm room and writing our papers together or simply talking for hours after eating dinner together.
Also, remember that friendships are a two-way street. As you share, make sure to ask others to do the same.
Listen to what they tell you and bring it up later. If they tell you their favorite snack, maybe grab it for them next time you run to PDK. Simple gestures like that can show that you care.
I know that it’s hard to put yourself out there, but recognize the fact that everyone else is doing the same thing. You’re not the only one on campus who is striving to develop life-long friendships.
You’ve got this!
It has been three years since I was last in a romantic relationship and I would really love to be in one again, but as a socially anxious introvert it’s been a challenge. How does one get out on the dating scene around here?
Dear Single Pringle,
*Sighs.* If only finding a significant other were a simple process.
I’m a big believer in building romantic relationships from a foundation of true friendship. So my answer to you would be: if you want to have a spouse who is your best friend, you have to start by developing friendships. (See above for some ideas on how to do that.)
As a fellow introvert, I relate to how intimidating that can be. I believe that you can do it though!
The easiest way to get dates is to ask people out on them. Go out on a limb and ask someone to go out for coffee with you. I would suggest going somewhere off campus if you want to avoid the rumour mill though.
If all else fails, we could try to force CAB to host a speed dating event on campus.
My roommate smells like beef and cheese. How do I fix that?
Dear Offended Nose,
My advice on this particular question depends on a few different things. Is this a new development? Is it a consistent hygiene issue? Or is it just their natural scent?
If it’s just how they naturally smell even after a couple showers, you might just have to buy some Febreeze or a plug in air freshener because that might not be something that they can change.
If it’s either a new development or a consistent hygiene issue, however, you might have to stage an intervention.
Of course, be polite and sensitive if you do this. Don’t bluntly tell them that they smell like a McDonald’s Happy Meal or anything like that. But if cleanliness is being slacked on and it’s a big deal to you, you can calmly sit them down and let them know of your discomfort.
If this is a new behavior though, I would suggest double checking on their mental health. A lax in personal self-care can be an outward symptom of depression.
Remember to take care of each other.