A Menace to Society: the villain of Soledad Drive and a plea for help

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Mr. Wolf Spider lurks in the student apartment stairwell. Photo by Elsa Feltl

The sun sets on another toasty day at the University of Dallas.

The pink and orange hue casts over the soccer field, its rosy fingertips grazing the student apartments on Soledad Drive.  As daytime says “adieu,” an unwanted visitor comes out to say a not so warm “bonjour.” The crickets come out and aid in an ominous symphony as the villainous Mr. Wolf Spider takes the shadowy stage.

Charlotte Lannon and Erin Vance, residents of the student apartments, are the first to speak out against the injustice of this unwelcome trespassing. Both junior politics majors, these advocates for freedom have a lot to say. 

Lannon, normally an insect enthusiast, says she is not enthused by this crawly creeper. Vance, on the other hand as an arachnophobic, is even further disgusted. The consensus is clear: Mr. Wolf Spider has got to go.

 “We considered writing an eviction notice,” said Lannon. “But then our critical thinking skills kicked in and we realized, oh yeah, spiders can’t read.”

Vance describes the relief she felt when one night, she returned to her home and the spider was nowhere to be seen. “I saw it the next night,” said Vance, “but realized even reasoning with it would be useless because it lacks such intellectual capacity.” 

So, what can be done? There has to be other people that have seen this spider and have had scares. Killing the spider might seem like a short term fix, but it would in fact, create more problems. First of all, fear should never be the principal component in a government, says Plutarch. This spider plagues our coming and going but how is he supposed to know? He does not deserve to live in such fear. Would an unnecessary and violent death be just? We are not that much like Theseus, after all.

An ideal community is supposed to facilitate the end of its members which normally is not an issue, since, as Aristotle says, we all have the function to be virtuous. But what about Wolf Spiders? I’m pretty sure we didn’t go over this in Philosophy. What is the solution? Though we have (we think) successfully brought attention to this issue, we now ask you, the gracious reader of this article, to lend your aid.

 What should we do? Replace the spider? Correct our own inner repulsion and adopt this guest? Find another spider family where he can cultivate his own spider end? The limitations are endless but we are nevertheless stumped. 

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