The course of true love never did run smooth,” Shakespeare tells us. Indeed, if the Core at the University of Dallas teaches us anything, it is that what Thucydides calls “human nature” never really changes. Which means love and dating are still just as complicated as in the days of the Bard of Avon.
Let’s face it, Valentine’s Day can be awkward for everyone. Unless you make it really, really awkward — then it’s really fun! Here is a list of ways with which you can celebrate the season in a non-traditional, but ever-so-entertaining manner.
1. Propose to everyone. Everywhere. Everyone loves a good engagement story, even if it is totally fake. Everyone loves a good proposal scene, even if no future alumni will come of it. Plan fake proposals in really obvious places on campus and see how many people you can fool into fake tears and exclamations of “that’s so beautiful.” Note: make sure that both parties know that the proposal will be fake. Otherwise, it might not be so carefree.
2. Perform the Romeo and Juliet scene off of the Haggar balcony during lunchtime. We love Shakespeare, and, let’s face it, his works are just as good as a Bollywood film.
3. Obtain a large amount of rose petals and strew them at the feet of your beloved. Especially as they walk from class to class. Unless they have class in Catherine — if you walk all the way to Catherine for a girl, she is going to think you want to marry her. It is a long walk.
4. Sing “Can You Feel the Love Tonight?” It sets the mood, encourages humility and shows support for all the UD couples. Or sing something in Latin. People here like that.
5. Set up a stand on the Mall and offer free Love Language analysis. Find a club or organization to sponsor you. Aramark may be willing to assist.
6. Use a good pick-up line. For the UD groupie: “You strike me to the Core.” For the girl on her way to a vocations retreat: “Your hair is too beautiful for a habit.” For the desperate: “Can I have your number? I-neid (Aeneid).” For the cute philosopher: “I Kant live without you.” For the Texan: “I’m kinda like a hunter. I hope you like being chased.” For the Cap Bar dweller: “You called me, you siren.” For the science major: “You are hot. Like diisobutylaluminium hydride.” For the English Major: “C. S. Lewis was wrong, there are five loves. And you are one of them.” And finally, for the woman who you know you will love forever: “I’d let you have my spot in Fr. Maguire’s Lit Trad II Class.”
7. Wish Ben Bravo a happy birthday. Valentine’s Day is too good a holiday to waste with just one person. Make sure that you spend your holiday spreading love and appreciating cheese. As G.K. Chesterton says, “Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.” So make sure you take some time to write a poem about cheese.