Krista Shaw, Hopeful “Ring by Spring” Contestant
Resounding shrieks of excitement filled the air at TGIT when the Office of Student Life announced that the University of Dallas will host a spinoff of television’s most talked-about reality show, “The Bachelor.” In this exciting new program, “Ring by Spring,” 10 lucky females will be given the chance to meet and compete for this season’s mystery man, an upstanding UD gentleman who was handpicked by Rev. Thomas Esposito, O. Cist.; President Keefe; and show producers. At the end of the show, the bachelor will choose one young woman to propose to at the top of the Tower.
When approached about their decision to bring “Ring by Spring” to UD, TV producers stated that they were drawn by UD’s unnaturally high marriage rate.
“With 32 engaged couples in the senior class alone, we can see that the environment encourages true love as much as we do,” said one producer. “We were also impressed by the scenery UD offers. The new bridge over Madonna Pond could be the location of a beautiful first date, and the Cap Bar patio, overlooking Carpenter, is an especially romantic site.”
In explanation of his choice to allow the show to be filmed at UD, Keefe stated that he hopes to promote an even more tightly knit community life.
“Maybe this show could bring together a fall Romer and a spring Romer, or maybe a boy who lived in Madonna as a freshman will end up with a girl who lived in Jerome. This show will allow us to see that these minor differences within UD can be overcome. I am anxiously anticipating its premiere at this year’s Tower Film Festival,” he said.
When asked for their thoughts on the new television show, many students expressed enthusiastic approval.
“I have been longing to find that man who can be the Odysseus to my Penelope,” one unidentified contestant stated. “I hope that this show will help me find true love so that I can start a family of young Telemachuses.”
Some fear that UD’s culture will be altered by “Ring by Spring.”
Expressing his apprehensions, one young man stated: “I fear that the filming of this show promotes impropriety. One day we’re supporting a TV program that shows one man dating many women, and the next thing you know, we’ll have a reenactment of ‘Henry VIII.’ Don’t forget that sins of lust can land you in the second circle of Hell.”
A philosophy major also disapproved of the idea: “Plato was being facetious when he said that the ideal city would allow men to have their wives and children in common. I think the entire university needs to brush up on its Phil and Eth.”
To be considered for the show, interested women must apply in the SALC by April 1. Applicants should plan to arrive early and wait in a long line, since application slots are expected to be more highly coveted than Dallas Year tickets for Six Flags. Campus Ministry will hold a vocations retreat for all applicants who are not cast on the show.