Out with the epic fail, in with the epic whale


Emma Polefko, Hypothetical, Situation Enthusiast


One day it’s working, the next day it’s off and sometimes it even makes a strange gurgling sound. No, I’m not talking about a West Hall elevator; I’m talking about the fountain in Braniff. It’s awkwardly loud and hardly ever works. We should just replace it.

Other universities have fountains with statues of people and objects that are important to them. Replacing the fountain could be an opportunity to show that UD is truly rooted in its tradition. We could easily acquire a new one overnight. Students could throw coins into the water before a test or an interview for luck. What should the statue be, you wonder?

Two words: Moby Dick.

The fountain in Braniff on its own represents nothing; why not put something there that’s meaningful? -Photo by Rebecca Rosen
The fountain in Braniff on its own represents nothing; why not put something there that’s meaningful?
-Photo by Rebecca Rosen

Imagine: You’re a student ambassador giving prospies and their parents a tour of the school. You’ve arrived at Braniff. You walk in. The parents politely laugh; the prospies just look shocked and confused as they look between you, the whale and their parents. As you explain the Core Curriculum, the reference to Melville’s classic is understood. Then, one of the current students walks up and tosses a coin into the pool for good luck. The prospies then take a closer look and realize that along with the American coins, there are forints, Euros and pence.

They think to themselves, “What is this place? What is this odd tradition? And where can I get a coin shaped like an octagon?”

Some of them totally buy into everything that the University of Dallas is about, but others are probably already running for their cars. It would be the perfect way to separate the wheat from the chaff.

In the fall, some of those prospies do find themselves at UD. Their first Gen Chem test comes up, and they throw a coin to the whale. Four semesters later, they find themselves in Lit Trad IV, and all they can do is laugh and shake their heads as they read “Moby Dick.”

And why stop with a whale? Core references around the school would be both appropriate and amusing. If the male and female freshman dorms are going to be switched around, we might as well call them by new names. Gone will be the days of “Madonna guys” and “Jerome girls,” and can anyone ever really get used to the idea of a “Greg girl”? Much better to have Milton Hall, with a room called “The Cave.”

In all seriousness, though, let’s get a replica of Moby Dick. One day it’s Moby Dick the next it’s hall names, and from there, it’s anyone’s guess. “And I only am escaped alone to tell thee.” — Job 1:14-19



Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here