I have been an avid reader of the University News for quite some time now, but for the past few months, I have become disgusted with the rubbish this once-grand periodical has decided to vomit upon the student body. The level to which The University News has sunk is unconscionable. Where are all the incredible, deep-delving investigative news stories? How many times can we learn about another blasé restaurant or movie that “FS” finds mediocre? Why are all the commentary stories beyond boring and un-compelling? And how hard is it to find good sports photos?!
Whom do I blame for all of this garbage? Apart from those despicable section editors, who ought to be pelted with old (or fresh?) cafeteria biscuits, one must look to the head of this monstrosity: Evan Hierholzer, the un-managing editor. His leadership has seen this once-respectable expression of the voice of the people plunge into the depths of intolerable, uninteresting and downright shameful writing. Now, I’m not suggesting that we do our civic duty and demand that he be removed from his position immediately. No, I’m downright stating it. For the time being, we might consider a replacement not so utterly inept — perhaps Perez Hilton? At least that way we can have garbage that’s interesting to read!
Of course, the blame is still not entirely on his head. Again, the section editors are the ones responsible for collecting these stories that are unfortunately put into print and thrown all across campus. Indeed, they all ought to be replaced, but first and foremost to go must be you, Evan Hierholzer. I don’t give a rat’s rear that you’ll be graduating in a few months — with the state things are in, The University News doesn’t have those few months before it’s forever lost, like the library at Alexandria or a freshman at orientation. Be a man and run away!
– A Concerned Citizen
Our beloved editor’s rapid response
In point of fact, all of your observations and criticisms are entirely valid. I tender my resignation, effective immediately. And you are right: The section editors are just as indolent as I am. Frankly, I am surprised the paper has continued as long as it has in such a poor state as it has. The persistence of mediocrity is one of the most obvious phenomena I have observed in my brief 22 years on this planet, and my time with The University News has done nothing to dissuade me from maintaining that opinion. I’ll be gone soon enough, and The University News will be entrusted to much, much more competent hands than mine. I can hardly wait.