Men’s lacrosse to donate to Locks of Love

Joe Hanretty, Chief Informant to ESPN the Mag

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The entire lacrosse team decides to ditch the drab hairstyles and donate their locks. University of Dallas photo.

The rumors are true: the University of Dallas men’s lacrosse team has decided to pay it forward by donating their luscious locks to the world famous initiative, Locks of Love. Led by the seniors, Richard (K.C.) Pierce, Matt Cyr, Ryan (Smurph) Murphy, and Alex (Big Al) Ziolkowski, the team is showing everyone what real charity means.

The organization to which they will be donating is one that provides hairpieces to financially disadvantaged children under the age of 21 in the United States and Canada who are suffering from long-term medical hair loss from any diagnosis.

Most of the children helped by Locks of Love have lost their hair due to a medical condition called alopecia areata, which has no known cause or cure. According to the Locks of Love website, “The prostheses we provide help to restore their self-esteem and their confidence, enabling them to face the world and their peers.”

“We just felt that, for one, the hair was not flowing correctly and secondly, was slowing us down,” Murphy, a captain and the starting goalie, said. “We figured we could just start over, throw away all that time we put into growing it out, for a good cause and with no regrets, of course. Like, at all. None.”

This comes as a fairly large, skyscraper-sized surprise because Murphy has some of the strongest looking locks in the cosmos. A goalie with great hair is something that a team can rally around when times are tough.

Pierce backed his captain up.

“There really is no reason to have to defend this act,” Pierce said. “It is for charity and we are all about charity. Charity is love and although we wish we could use the hair for our stick netting, this is a much more selfless way to go. Guys like Toby Zanini and Cyr really don’t need that drab look anyway. The only reason we were growing it out in the first place was to look like those hunks who play in the NHL. As long as we don’t end up getting whatever haircut Ryan McAnany got, I think we will be satisfied. They can take our hair, but not our pride … or self-esteem.”

Cyr, another captain and owner of the longest locks on the team, is not as excited as the others.

“I see where we are going with this but … it has been so long and I was so close,” Cyr said.

This seemed like a good time to ask what he was ‘so close’ to.

“Well, I started growing this out back in the summer and some days it would curl a little bit and I just appreciated the feminine flare I was giving off. It was so close to getting past my shoulders! Ali [Sentmanat] obviously did not appreciate that I was starting to rival her hair in length and sheer radiance.”

The idea is great but if the team follows through, this could be one moment for the ages and the UD Athletic staircase of shame. Or is it fame?

Disclaimer: This is the April Fools’ edition of the paper. All stories are fictitious in nature.

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