A message from your classmates: help each other out

Connor Fitzgerald, Supreme Overlord of Awesomeness

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In the era of increasing college tuition and hard-to-find jobs, many students around America are turning to a new, out-of-the-box way of making money: sponsorships. For an average of $20 a week, more and more college students, even at the University of Dallas, are becoming small-stage spokespeople to their peers.

“It’s not a lot,” freshman Mary Currier admitted. “But at least it’s something, and I can use it to buy freshly made sandwiches at Subway a few times a week, instead of eating at Aramark.”

The sentiment of being able to make easy money, simply for name-dropping a product in regular conversation a few times a day, is likely what has made this idea take off so quickly. In the few months since this new way of advertising began in order to raise awareness about the tasty new “Smuckers Swirl” line of jams and jellies, among other things,  almost every major company has jumped on the bandwagon.

The idea has become so popular, in fact, that several businesses, from Apple to Ford, have found that they did not even have to reach out to find students willing to participate in their new programs.

“It’s astonishing,” Verizon CEO Lowell McAdam said in a statement early last week. “Before we had even announced the launch of our ‘Vie for Verizon’ program, we were being contacted by college students, unemployed Americans and even some employed Americans looking for a spot. I had never imagined we would receive such a response, but I don’t imagine that anybody would say no to a few extra dollars in their pocket.”

Back on the UD campus, even some professors are getting in on the trend that is almost as fun as scooping into a freshly opened jar of Smuckers.

“What most people don’t realize,” Associate Professor of English and department chair Gregory Roper said, as he tightened his Adidas baseball cap and took a sip from his Gatorade bottle, “that the wording of some of the contracts allow for a person to sign on with more than one company. I don’t know how long that loophole will stay open for though.”

There is also a smaller. less popular niche for these amateur spokespeople, where, instead of supporting certain products, they are simply paid to tear down the opposing products. As you might imagine, they have to be much more subtle than their more positive counterparts. As a result, we were unable to find any of these so-called “anti-supporters” willing to comment on the record.

A few students, however, are opposed to this new trend, as they say it interferes with everyday interactions.

“It’s almost as bad as the taste of Pepsi,” junior Mary Copponi said. “I feel like I always have to be on guard now for when one of my friends is going to drop an endorsement on me. It’s terrible and I’m really hoping that it’s just a fad.”

Despite her strong feelings, Copponi seems to be in the minority.

“I hope it sticks around,” senior Mary Fahey said, who recently began going by her middle name, Deborah, and is insisting people call her “Lil’ Debbie.” “It’s easy money and I’m making some great connections with it.”

Since most companies do not yet have a plan to end their sponsorship programs anytime soon, it looks as though this way of making a quickpocket change will be sticking around for a while. The line of “Smuckers Swirl” jams and jellies, on the other hand, is available for a limited time only, so get yours today.

Disclaimer: This is the April Fools’ edition of the paper. All stories are fictitious in nature.

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