It’s time for Super Bowl 50, and, regardless of whether your team made it or not, this little game is always one of the best opportunities of the year to entertain your friends, eat some junk food and veg out on the couch for a solid four hours. But we go to the University of Dallas, where it’s always a challenge to make sports sound as interesting as a philosophy colloquium. So here are eight reasons why you should throw a Super Bowl party at UD. Although, to be honest, I shouldn’t have to say much besides “guacamole.”
1. Food. Food. Food. Yes, this is America. Yes, we like to eat. On the day of the Super Bowl, not too many of us bother to count calories, so go ahead and buy in bulk. Go to Wal-Mart and buy everything — chips, pizza, buffalo wings; the whole nine yards. This is just another day we Americans get to use as a wonderful excuse to indulge our taste buds.
2. Because ‘Murica. As citizens of this splendid country, it’s our duty to participate in one of the most cherished American holidays (yes, I called it a holiday). So if anyone’s reluctant about attending your party, just remind them that it’s their cultural duty. Besides, we’re trying to make America great again, people …
3. The commercials. A lot of people watch the Super Bowl merely for the sake of the commercials, which provide priceless entertainment on their own. If you don’t like sports, you’ll like the humor. And if you don’t like humor, enjoy the sappy car commercials. No matter what, you will be entertained.
4. The halftime show is the pinnacle of human entertainment. Historians 500 years from now will still be discussing the ways in which Beyoncé’s performance changed the course of humanity.
5. Guacamole. Yes, this deserves a category of its own — mostly because guacamole transcends mere food. If your friends are reluctant to join you for the Sunday night festivities, just utter that beautiful four-syllable word. Anyone who may have been on the fence about coming will dash towards your doorstep with a tumultuous green fire in their eyes.
6. Take a break from the Sunday grind. Sundays are often filled with homework here at UD, and there’s no better remedy for a stressful day than some junk food and entertainment with friends. Even if it’s just for an hour, you won’t regret sitting down for a little bit to watch some pretty mindless amusement.
7. Sports are cool. If you do like sports, this game will be pretty interesting, pitting a one-loss Carolina Panthers team against the best defense in the NFL, the Denver Broncos. If you don’t like sports, you can at least pretend to be knowledgeable about the most watched television event of the entire year. Still not enough incentive? Please refer to reasons one through six.
8. Be a part of history. Like it or not, this night is a part of cultural history and makes for a great conversation piece when the time is right. What happens when your future soulmate asks you about the game next Monday in the elevator? Please, for the sake of America, friendship, food and your future marriage, throw a Super Bowl party. You will not regret it.