By Shorty Tina and Lil Lu’
The Artists Formerly Known as Christina and Lucy
Friday night came once again. Students at the University of Dallas thought that this would be a typical night in Old Mill, but seniors Kurt McCullough, Chester Robinson and Hollis Barnes decided to mix it up by throwing a Greek life-themed party for the underclassmen. Barnes gave an insight into the rager that set the campus abuzz.
“We just wanted to make history, man,” Barnes said. “Old Mill needs some state school excitement. My buddies and I decided on no fewer than 10 kegs.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen this much freshmeat in Old Mill,” McCullough added. “They obviously came to get whacked, but I didn’t expect an army of them! Even the Madonna boys made it.”
“The Greek life theme really brought them in,” Robinson said. “We didn’t tell any of them to wear togas, but they all came in togas.”
The night began with too much excitement, even for Raj Luthra, owner of PDK Foods, who made the call to close his doors for the night. Notorious smokers tried banging on the door to no avail.
“I saw those crazy kids in togas walking across the street, and I didn’t think my store could handle the crowds,” Luthra said.
The double-decker party started around 10 p.m. with an inaugural keg stand.
“I have never seen anything like it!” freshman Mary Drouas said. “It was like Groundhog and Club Donna all in one.”
Freshman lacrosse player Alan “Big Al” Ziolbrowski also commented on the party. “It was so dope! Who knew UD could be this crazy?” he said. “Everyone just got farmed.”
But the night was not fun for everyone. Freshman Maud Purk said that she thought the event was too hectic.
“It was like once everyone entered Old Mill, they lost all of their control,” Purk said. “No one cared about the next day, just the moment.”
Neighbor Tess Blankenship agreed with Purk.
“They told us that there was going to be a party, but nothing like this!” she said. “I didn’t know whether to join in or start praying a novena.”
Blankenship said she decided upon the novena.
Along with general drinking and conversation, several people began typical college games like beer pong and flip cup. Other reports confirmed that the competition began to get a little heated.
“There was a flip cup tournament between English majors and Economics majors,” McCullough said. “Once the English majors learned the rules, they were able to beat the econ majors with no problem, because the econ team got a little too obliterated to flip the cups.”*
According to junior Jake Loel, the “Friday Nights” group came back from the woods around 11 p.m.
“The Stillwater Hobos came with their following and decided to spice up the party with some Irish music,” Loel said. “Mason jars in hand, they began with a rousing rendition of ‘Wagon Wheel’ which quickly became rowdy when they all realized they couldn’t go to Whataburger for another 45 minutes, because Friday.”
The party ended with a dance battle of epic proportions: everyone jumped up and down, swing dancing and shouting the lyrics to “Shut Up and Dance” by Walk the Moon.
Alum Jackson Johnson seemed surprised when asked if he thought the party was sufficiently “state school.”
“Wait, it was meant to be a state school party? You can’t change the character of a UD party,” he said. “It’s like I always say, you can take the party out of the UD, but . . . actually, you can’t take the party out of the UD.”
*No economics majors were offended in the making of this article.