Obituaries

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David Benioff and D.B. Weiss

Game of Thrones producers

 

The fifth season of “Game of Thrones” is off to a darker-than-usual start after David Benioff and D.B. Weiss, creators and executive producers of the hit TV series, were killed at the Los Angeles premiere on March 18. The two men were shaking hands on the red carpet when an enraged fan leapt over the railing and brutally killed them. The fan, dressed in a black cloak like those worn in the show by members of the military order known as the Night’s Watch, was reportedly still furious over the series’ tragic Red Wedding that killed off several lead characters. To ensure the show’s continuity, George R.R. Martin, the author of the books on which “Thrones” is based, will be taking Benioff and Weiss’ place as showrunner. The decision was met with extreme emotions from fans, as it was announced that the publication of the last two books of Martin’s saga would be delayed an additional two to three years. Furthermore, the sixth season of the series is now set to air in spring 2018 in order to give Martin enough time to write a script.

– Hunter Johnson

Artistry

According to Kanye West

Artistry has no exact origin, and critics disagree on when it truly died. According to Kanye West, however, its cause of death was a combination of both the musician Beck and the Grammy Awards. Though West later clarified his comments to state that he meant that only the Grammys murdered artistry, the meaning was clear: Artistry is dead due to a lack of respect for “real artists.”

Followers of West were well aware of the signs, though nothing could be done to prevent the tragic murder of artistry. Its impending death was first foreseen in 2009. Followers of artistry may remember West’s first public declaration of the deteriorating health of artistry during the 2009 Video Music Awards. The news was so urgent he felt the need to interrupt another musician, Taylor Swift, during her acceptance speech. It is widely believed that this gruesome massacre could have been avoided had Beyoncé Knowles been given more awards.

Though some would say “artistry” is a subjective term, West disagrees. Shortly after the 2015 Grammys, he took to Twitter to publicly proclaim the murder, citing Beck as an accomplice. Lovers and followers of artistry everywhere surely were grieved to learn of the death in 140 characters. Artistry, and West’s escapades on its behalf, will be deeply missed.

Patricia Brennan

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