Linda Smith, Enjoyer of Short-to-Medium-Length Beach Strolls
In a move signaling the end of a decades-long cold war to prove the real Dallas college, the school formerly known as the University of Texas at Dallas has officially changed its name to “That Other School in Dallas.”
In a press release, That Other School in Dallas officials announced the news, acknowledging the reasons for the change and the fact that they fully expect there to be reactions from students, families and faculty.
“After taking a look at the advantage the University of Dallas clearly holds in every measure of a university, we decided it would be best for our community if we associated as little as possible with such a superior school,” states the press release. “We realize that this seems like giving up, but we can assure you that we were not bullied or forced into the decision. Officials will be available for further questioning on the matter, but honestly, That Other School in Dallas has a quaint appeal to it, and we feel like this was the only reasonable course of action.”
Many have wondered at the name in light of the fact that That Other School in Dallas technically has a Richardson address. School officials commented that while it was considered, the name “That Richardson School” was turned down because a school named for the city in which it actually resides would be the very definition of farce and folly.
The UD community, meanwhile, rejoiced at the decision. Many students see the name change as a grand opportunity to claim once and for all supreme Dallas-ness. Since the good news spread, all school buildings and offices have remained open 24/7, and people have been arriving en masse to visit this profoundly Dallas site.
“Being able to constantly celebrate this newfound Dallas-ness is great,” commented one visitor who was born and raised in the Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex. “There is nowhere with a greater presence of the spirit of Dallas. My life up to this point was a lie. This is Dallas. Or perhaps the metroplex should be renamed the University of Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex?”
Students and staff charged with recruiting students have developed a new campaign revolving around not being That Other School in Dallas. This fact has increased enrollment and positive incoming-student response by 96.37 percent.
“I mean, the Core, classes, Rome, it all sounded great, but it was really having the name of The University of Dallas that was the instant deal-maker,” a new member of the class of 2018 said. “Having the chance to go to the, and not that other, place in Dallas was the purest manifestation of all I could have hoped for in a school, and I jumped at the opportunity.”
Talk of adding an all-caps “THE” to the beginning of the school name and abbreviation has circulated amongst officials, but they have agreed to postpone these attempts until the grieving process of That Other School in Dallas is over.