The latest ‘must-have’ invention from Apple

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Louis Hannegan
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----Photo Courtesy of Steve Jobs's Corpse (Too Soon?)---- Early versions of iPants displayed promise, but after initial device-testing Apple realized that there were several issues to sort out before its official launch.

Apple aims to redefine the ordinary in our technological lives – and usually does so with much success. MP3 players, smart phones, tablets – all of them existed long before the iGuys arrived on the handheld-tech scene. Yet mere months after the release of each, the iPod, iPhone and iPad each became the gold standard of their classes.

But why should Apple stop at personal gadgets?  Why not take this redefinition beyond the tech world to something even more basic in our lives? Pants.
iPants.  Has a ring to it, doesn’t it?  Just think – no, dream: all the image and elegance of Apple – in a pair of pants.  These pants wouldn’t just redefine your understanding of pants; they would put the hip back in your hips.

Apple wouldn’t have to work very hard to make this entry into the world of pants.  They’ve already developed all the necessary elements for this clothing revolution.

First, Apple’s multi-gesture touchscreen.  Pockets too big or small?  Just use the normal pinch motion to adjust their size.  Tired of zippers and buttons?  Apple probably is too.  iPants would feature a hassle-free double-tap button and scroll zipper.

Next, the new iPad’s Retina Display. Beautiful – higher definition than high-definition TV – and maybe even than reality.  Now put that on a pair of pants.  Just like Diet Dr. Pepper tastes more like Dr. Pepper, your pants would look more like pants than even real pants.

And the colors!  Green, purple, turquoise – whatever you want.   Not feeling the salmon today?  No problem – you’re just two taps away from lime green or baby blue.  Add to that Apple’s auto-brightness feature, and your iPants would be viewable and vibrant anywhere, even in direct sunlight.

Better than the Retina Display would be the accelerometer and gyroscope that Apple undoubtedly would put in these pants.  Like how the iDevices know what’s going on when you move them around?

Translate that to pants.  However you’re swagging, your iPants would follow suit.  Dancing along to Miley Cyrus’s “Party in the USA”?  Pants tighten accordingly. Strutting like an OG?  iPants know what’s up – they’ll loosen up to fit your gangsta’ strut.

Most attractive of all would be the Apple branding.  Just like any Apple device, iPants would sport the signature half-munched apple.  While every other device only gets one, iPants could have two – one for each side of the seat of your pants.  And like the Macbook, they could even glow when somebody woke you up from sleep mode.

Apple has yet to announce iPants, but its previous products suggest that we might expect just such a shift into the world of pants at the next Apple debut. So the next time you pick up your iPad, iPod or iPhone, just dream: Pretty soon, you could be sporting that same functionality and style in a pair of pants.

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