Raj Luthra: actual 2012 graduation speaker

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Harrison Denn
2012 Class Clown

This will be Raj Luthra’s first graduation address, but he has seen many influential speeches online, so how hard could it be?

Please excuse last week’s article in The University News, because we now know that Admiral Patrick M. Walsh will not be giving the keynote commencement address at graduation in May. Raj Luthra will be doing the honors. Luthra, beloved owner of PDK Foods, has had many years’ experience with University of Dallas students, and now it is paying off. He has many things to say about UD students, good and bad. Luthra is very excited for the change and expressed his great satisfaction while some students were making their usual beer run.

“I have been working at PDK Foods since the beginning, and never before have I been asked to give the address,” Luthra said. This is also the mark of a truly miraculous occurrence: During his interview Luthra mentioned that this will be the first time he has even set foot on UD soil. This is shocking, to say the least, but truly Raj has never walked across the street. This, as he said, will be stated in his address.

When asked about what he would say, he answered, “I will make it up as I go. I do not believe in being prepared for speeches.” Luthra was surfing the web for quotes he would use in the upcoming address when he said this.

Several members of the senior class have commented on this change.

Laura DeCelles is quoted as saying, “To be honest, I couldn’t imagine a better candidate to speak at my graduation. Raj exemplifies the spirit of the university. We wouldn’t be where we are today without PDK Foods!” Laura is a woman of great influence among the senior class and is set to be valedictorian.

Harrison Denn, set to be class clown and social butterfly, said, “I’m excited for Raj! He has been here for such a long time and is truly a great influence on me. I can’t remember a Friday night where he didn’t know what was going on, or which party I could go to.”

Admiral Walsh was quite upset with the change. When called, his secretary responded that he was too despondent, or that he was in a meeting. After some convincing by Student Government, he told his men to stand down. What was said remains a mystery as opaque as what Pope Leo the Great said to Attila to get him to leave Rome. When asked to comment about this, Student Government replied with, “No comment.”

Raj Luthra will be a great speaker, and the seniors are glad to have him. Seniors believe that Luthra will reveal many goings-on of the class. This could be a bad thing, but does that have to bring the mood of this tremendous occasion down? In a word, no.

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