Hillsdale concedes, renames itself ‘UD of the North’

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Linda Smith
Like that guy Dwight Schrute

Hillsdale College will be undergoing several changes as it officially becomes “the University of Dallas of the North” next semester.

The college, located in Hillsdale, MI, shares many aspects with UD, such as a small student-to-faculty ratio, a location lacking in renown, and a core curriculum taught to a largely religious and conservative student body. It will not only employ professor Lyle Novinski to do its art, architecture and groundwork, and erect its own memorial tower, but UD professors and President Keefe have also been asked to extend their expertise to the Hillsdale campus.

Greatly impressed with the spring mainstage production of “Arcadia” and the symposium that accompanied it last Tuesday, Hillsdale administrators were greatly affected by Novinski’s presentation, titled “Genius Loci at Work,” which used UD as an example of the growth and care taken to ensure a present-day Arcadia, whether in (17th century or present-day) England, or here in Irving, Texas. It has been claimed that Hillsdale administrators believe that their architectural hopes could only truly be manifest through the work of Novinski and the current art and architecture students of UD.

Hillsdale’s memorial tower is in the process of being assembled overseas at the original and largest Lego plant in the world (Billund, Denmark). The first shipment of parts is set to arrive this Friday, and students can volunteer to be a part of the campus-wide assembly of the tower. It is estimated that, with the shipment dates and assembly time in consideration, the tower should take four years to complete. Hillsdale upperclassmen have already begun to lament that they will not be on campus at the unveiling of this architectural magnum opus.

Hillsdale and UD have traded several professors over the years, but those days will be over. Each Hillsdale class will be equipped with a UD professor as a “classroom assistant.” Their holographic images will conduct classes alongside a Hillsdale professor, and some classes will be fully taught by UD professors, like Shakespearean Monologues with Dr. Susan Hanssen, Polish History with Dr. Thomas Jodziewicz and the like.

Hillsdale’s final request is that President Keefe preside over the official actions and decisions of the university. After seeing his tremendous work in such a short time at the Irving campus, Hillsdale officials know that not only would he be capable of heading the UD of the North, but that he would excel.

Some may think that current UD students might feel cheated out of their unique identity with the changes that Hillsdale is undergoing. After all, they are naming their school “the University of Dallas of the North.” Fortunately, many students at both schools see this as an opportunity to spread the reputation of independent thinkers into another little-known city in another small, liberal arts college known almost exclusively by attendees and their families.

UD of the North students will have to wait 38 years for their own school abroad, so future Romers need not fear encroachment upon the Due Santi campus.

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