Christian Howard & Kayla Nguyen
Peeved Platonist & Avid Aristotelian
University of Dallas students had a direct encounter with that elusive discipline, philosophy, when a silver 1981 DeLorean crashed into the Tower, carrying two ancient philosophers. The philosophers in question, sporting togas and bewildered expressions, were quickly identified by UD students as none other than Plato and Aristotle.
The DeLorean crashed in a shower of sparks on Thursday at 1:16 a.m., shocking 20 students who happened to be nearby. When the two emerged, a classics major recognized the famous figures and in less than half an hour a frenzied crowd of 300 students had gathered around the crash site.
“We were leaving TGIT, because it had started to storm, when we saw this huge explosion. There was lots of screaming, and people thought it was some kind of small airplane at first,” sophomore Kyle Gjolgberg said. “When we realized it was a car and that there were people emerging from it, we ran towards it to see if they were hurt. When we found out that it was the Plato and the Aristotle, that’s when the chaos happened.”
“I recognized them because they were speaking in Attic Greek,” senior classics major David Ringwald said. “But their accents were horrible. They sounded quite barbaric – almost like they were illiterate.”
Other Greek students agreed, recommending that the two philosophers enroll in Dr. Karl Maurer’s Greek Grammar and Composition course.
“Really, it must have been quite embarrassing for them,” Ringwald added.
On Friday morning, students persuaded the two philosophers to join an open forum discussion hosted by the philosophy department. The discussion, which centered around relativity in a Christian world, seemed to baffle the two Greeks.
“I mentioned Nietzsche, and they started blessing me,” Peter Antich, senior philosophy major, said. “It’s like they thought I had sneezed or something.”
Friday afternoon, junior Teresa Shumay invited Plato to her politics class, “Plato’s Republic.”
“We were having an exam,” Shumay confessed. “I hadn’t prepared for it, so, you know, I thought this was a great opportunity.”
Shumay persuaded Plato to don some of her clothes for the afternoon and take the exam in her stead.
“We passed for twins,” Shumay said. “Really, it was brilliant.”
Shumay thought differently, however, when she received the exam back on Monday.
“There was a huge red ‘F’ on the front, and my professor told me to check into a mental hospital,” Shumay said. “Plato should have told me he didn’t know what he was talking about.”
With mixed feelings, students buckled the philosophers back into their car on Saturday morning.
Two physics majors, who had seen Back to the Future countless times, set up a lightening rod that would power the car, allowing Plato and Aristotle to return safely to their own time.
“I don’t know how they got here,” Antich said, “but I’m glad they’re gone.”