Core Indecorum

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University of Dallas students,

Here are three signs of good behavior and exquisite manners.

If you incorporate all of these into your everyday life, you are sure to be the next Miss Manners.

1. Don’t cover your coughs and sneezes. It’s a common occurrence, and one that everyone loves. We understand. It’s too much effort to raise your hand or the crook of your arm to keep personal germs personal. So, go ahead, launch a spray of nasty, funky snot and spit into the air. No one will mind.

2. Be as loud as you want with your cell-phone conversations. The public is dying to hear each play-by-play about your roommate meeting up with that UTD guy. Everyone is dying to hear you talk about that awkward rash or how you’re never going to finish that business project due at 5 p.m. No more need for personal conversations. Share them with the public. While you’re at it, keep texting and not caring. Keep looking at your phone every 30 seconds. The world understands how hard it must be for you, being social with so many social media outlets.

3. Smack away while eating. We’re all very happy that you’re enjoying your food. We even love to see your mouth work like a food processor. Eat louder and keep your mouth wide open.

4. Don’t hold the door. We all want to kiss the door as it comes crashing in our faces before reaching our final destination. Let them eat your dust, and be on your merry way.

5. Go crazy PDA-ing with your significant other. Your friends, classmates and teachers will not feel awkward at all as you cuddle with your lovebird. The rest of the world will only stare at you in awe and think you’re cuter and classier than Kate and Leo in Titanic.

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